make a difference

I hope this makes a difference for you, especially if you’re a woman :).

I’ve always admired Maya Angelou. This poem struck a chord in my heart and I wanted to share it here.

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

thanked me a couple nights ago for expanding her horizons. I was kind of surprised since this was unexpected. I mean, I know I’m probably one of the more well-rounded people in my various circles (I have different social circles I hang with, not just one big group) but I never really thought of me as one to influence. I’ve seen myself as a half-outsider (since I do mingle) or the one that’s kind of on the outer circles within a circle. I don’t even know if that makes sense – I’m not very coherent about this friendship stuff since it’s so abstract sometimes.

Anyway, so that was kind of surprising but I’m glad. :)

I have the opportunity to become a domestic abuse crisis counselor. Training starts in January (pretty much right as soon as I arrive in SF – I’m moving there) and it sounds like a really good opportunity. I’d love to be able to help out that way. Someone mentioned that it’s highly emotional and that I’ll be taking a lot in but I think I want to do it. It’s not like the organisation will pitch me into the river without any warning or help.

It’s a 4 hour requirement a week for several months. They’re looking for people who are bilingual in Cantonese or Mandarin and I am pretty fluent in Cantonese. At least, my passive knowledge is pretty good. I figure that’s at least half a step up from those who don’t speak either of those languages.

I do feel like I make small differences, in the people I talk to, in the people I am friends with, in my family, and people I encourage here…but it’s not enough to make me feel like I’ve made a difference.

I think that teaching English abroad (one of my goals as well) would be making a difference – I’d have the opportunity to use some more modern teaching skills and teach more alternative ideas, not just what has been consistently taught. It would be a great opportunity. I do want to volunteer abroad as well and I’m looking into it but it won’t be within the next year.

I feel that I can’t fulfill this goal (to the degree that I want) for another few years and knowing that kind of disturbs me.

but today, I did something I swore I’d do when I returned home. I spent a semester in London on study abroad and I also backpacked around during spring break. As always, with traveling, I met lots of creepsters and assholes but I also met lots of guardian angels.

On one such trip to Venezia, my friend and I (both young females) were living right outside the main area so we had to take a bus back every night. However, we always estimated nightfall a little too slow (as in it fell faster than we estimated) and we had a very difficult time finding our way back to our camp (it was like a hostel camp). One night, we’ve been walking for about an hour when this man on a bike starts following us (every other man we’ve passed by has stared at us all alone in the dark) and worse, he starts talking to us. We both pretend we don’t speak English, which works better for me than my friend since I’m ethnically Asian, but he persists in following us. We speed up but there isn’t any hope of outwalking or outrunning him since he’s on a bike. He rides on the inside of the sidewalk (so he’s sort of boxing us in between the street and him…not much of an escape route, really) and follows us for a good 10 minutes, which seems forever in that situation.

Anyway, I won’t bore with the other details but nothing happened with that, and then we later discover that a bus we wanted to try and take was complete for the night…so we kept walking around..in circles, sometimes. We finally see this large Italian family walking by slowly and in a split decision, we decide to run to them and ask them in halting Italian which way we needed to go. All we wanted was a general direction of the crossroads of 2 streets we knew for sure was the way to camp. Because none of their party knew even enough English to describe and neither of us knew Italian, and none of us could find a mutual language to use, the family WALKED us back to the crossroads. WALKED. In the middle of the night (okay it was 10 pm but they had 3 kids with them). I mean, that’s above and beyond kindness.

So today, when 2 international students asked me how to get to the library, I walked them a little of the way, since I forgot how to speak even the basics of Japanese (I took classes but yeah…) and while it’s nowhere near the degree of thoughtfulness the family showed us, at least I’m giving back in my own little way.

I know how horrible it feels to be lost…(when someone’s following you, that is.)

I think making a difference encompasses a lot. It could be a small or big difference, but it’s a difference.

I don’t believe I have made any big, wide-ranging differences yet, but who knows if something I did yesterday or last year will affect a large amount of people come 5 years from today? I surely don’t know.

Some small differences I’ve made:

~inspire one of my friends to start a business with me (I could not do it without her, though!)
~complimenting retail workers
~complimenting people at work and classmates around me (I don’t do this a LOT so it’s not like I’m one of those perpetal flatterers – I hate that)
~inspiring some of my friends to want to travel more
~being in the insane me with people who are equally or more insane – but we have a wacky time together and we’re awesome that way
~hopefully inspiring people to have confidence in themselves – heck if they see me being able to come out of my shell and being happy, they should be able to too!

So far, one of my plans is to teach English abroad in China (and perhaps a place in Eastern Europe too).

I also want to volunteer to do a summer teaching program in Poland and maybe a summer stint in Chile/Argentina doing something outdoorsy.

My small way of making a difference is by tiny ripples.

I encourage my friends in whatever they do (unless it’s stupid or illegal for dumb reasons) and I encourage them by telling them positive things. I help them dream, I help them daydream because I’m EXCELLENT at that – I say this because I daydream to cope with my own life and as a result, I’m great at fantasizing anything. I’m also good at visualizing so this helps with goals and dreams – I can put images into people’s heads about their success and this helps them get past the fear – a little, anyway.

I compliment my friends, sometimes strangers – it’s an easy way to brighten up the day.

Does it count if you make a small difference? Like broadening a friend’s perspective. Something like that. I mean…isn’t it like how the flap of a butterfly wing affects something across the world?

Change can be a good thing :). No matter how big or small.