it’s my problem…
i m the big problem…
not a single thing i do for myself…
can’t stand for myself..
can’t claim anything for myself…
i can’t say i m like this.. i m this… i cant say i want this… i don’t want to do it… i m lazy to do things for myself…
what is this ? do i hate myself…
no.. i don’t think so…
but i m not happy with myself…
why i need anyone’s approval for i m worthwhile… i m not worthless becauz of what they say…
i have courage to do the right things...
i make changes…
but why this happens every time.. everybody except me take advantage of those things…
no one supports me when i make those things happen… they will name me a lot..
will say yack on whatever i m thinking.. but when it come true,,, everyone will used it properly n fully… n again i will be leave alone..
the biggest example is this home..
n each n everything in this home.. but i can’t use anything… i don’t have space at all… i can’t claim these things.. cause they are not mine.. but all those things are there because of me.. n people who were naming me for that are using it all…
21 nov 08
Dec 02, 09:02AM PST | 1 comment
i m fighting with myself.. everyday… to make a right decision…
its always my mental clutter… whether to stand for what is right or give up for the shake of peace…
I must find balance now.. as i have recover from my physical.. n after that two yrs of mental illness…
i now want to use my things for myself…
this comp when i made.. no one helped me.. i wasn’t expecting financially.. but when i was installing it.. everyone was keen to pass comments that its waste of money..
when i was planning for internet.. no one helped.. same comments…
but now everyone using my PC.. i cant say even it is PC…
for 4 years.. they just used my PC.. never cared abt its maintenance.. using it very roughly… n i really hate that…
for 4 years i m letting them to use it… but every day i have to hear that how selfish i am… when i ask them to get up..
sometimes they even didn’t let me to use it… been very arrogant… sometimes to hurt me…
the most imp thing is.. i dont want to keep this all going on… i don’t care whether i am selfish according to them… i must used to this thing by now…
i will be selfish.. bad.. egoist.. whatever i do…
i gave them a very nice proposal of using comp by setting some time… if they don’t want.. i cant help it…
right now i have kept my compu in kitchen that i can get some quit time.. that big risk for my comp… but expect from me everyone using it….
as they don’t want to adjust.. i don’t have any choice…
i m bad girl for years.. n i will be… then let it be…
i will buy a new lappy for myself after 3-4 months… then i will give this comp to them.. i don’t want to but still…
i need to say no…
Jul 22, 02:31PM PDT | 1 cheer | 2 comments
