be happy

I dont stress as much anymore because I tend to now stay in the positive ratheer than negative. Im tried of not doing what I want out of fear. Fuck fear. Im happy. cheshire cat smile

I really cant say now that Im not. I have everything that I can possibly need. I have anazing friends, food in my fridge(after so long of not having any), my bills are getting paid,im losing weight, things are looking good. Im not happy about my job but for the time being ti will have to do

Im still shocked but starting to put things back into perspective. I go back to work tommorow and maybe slowly back to normalcy. I just want to be happy again. Im really sorry I didnt give myself the chance and spoken to someone earlier about this but now that I have identified what my true feelings are and that they are real, I can try to get on with my life.

Im happy at least it springtime and the snow will be gone. Hurray for Spring..

My friend took me to hospital. It was the scariest thing in my whole life. I hope this is the rock bottom and the only way is up

havent been really for the last month. im totaly out of it. Its like im not me. And noone gives a shit. Well except my best friend and a 2 others because they ask me how im doing. Sometimes when people ask I do say that Im not feeling well but then they dont ask why. Then countinue to talk about themselves. I try to be a good friend and help me friends when they are in trouble. Really I do. Thank God for good friends.
Im going to see someone abuot it thought. But i think i know what it is . Its not that im thinking anything drastic, just in a sad lull for the last little while. My life is back on pause again..

I wish that I could the smiling fool I once was. Its funny. Im too hard on myself these days. I should smile more. Looking happy can make you feel happy. But what do I really have to worry about now? Besides money, Im healthy, have a roof over my head and food in my fridge. Why me Worry?

but I am making myself miserable over things that dont matter. Or at least should not bring me down. I hate the weight of the world on my shoulders.

This year was a turning point for me. I wanted to be angry,sad and miserable because I wasnt doing anything to make myself happy. I was in the self doubt bubble for the longest time. But then I made a discovery that the world is so much bigger than I and I can open up and be free as the world. Since that discovery, it seemds my problems have always fixed themselves somehow. I feel like the weight on my shoulders eased off. This year showed me that I am such a great person that is capable of doing amazing things. Its ok if I try and fail as long as I learned the lesson. Im a good person is what I learned , theerfore I am happy.

I cant say that I am not . I have everything that I could need. Good friedns , family, and cutting bs out of my life. This was a tricky year .I didnt have any guidance or focus and I was working in a job I hated with no end in sight. Then I got to traveling . I have been to Toronto , LA , Ottawa, Calgary and Winnipeg .All of these trips have come out of the blue with no long advanced planning. It has opened my eyes so much in respect to what Im missing. The world is reletively a huge place that must be discoverd. Plus , the moving around makes me happy and relaxed. So I have quit my new job and decided that I will end the year do things that make me happy and at peace with myself. Im planning a vacation to Europe now , just for 7 days. Hopefully it will all work out.

I guess I am . Im having a great time in Winnipeg.