be more confident

i responded to one of those silly e-mail questionnaires the other day, you know the kind, there are about 50+ questions to answer that tell your friends a little bit about yourself, your likes and dislikes, in hopes of learning something you didn’t know about them. yeah, well, there was this one question, “what is something new you want to share with the people there that they might not know about you,” or something like that. well, between my friends i have one who is going to hawai’i in june, another who dropped another jeans size, and another who is training to do a triathalon in a couple of months. what is my response? “sadly, no.” nope, i don’t have a damn thing going on that is worth noting.

don’t get me wrong, i love my friends and i wish nothing but the best for them, but sheesh, i feel so insignificant next to what they’re doing. i guess this just goes to show that i need more going on in my life and i need to keep in touch with them better so i get a more complete picture of what’s happening in their lives. sigh.

whenever i get to feeling like crap, like i do today, apparently i follow the same m.o., as evidenced by my re-reading my other posts about this goal. today, i felt depressed for no real reason and when one of my subscribers unsubscribed – gasp i was even more bummed out than i was beforehand. clearly, there is a pattern here, and i need to figure out a different way, a nice way, to talk to myself.

i recently came to the conclusion that i am capable of way more than i give myself credit for and i need to stop limiting myself by placing restrictions via lame “i need to be practical” excuses. bad, pfeffy, bad.

that sounds silly, i’m sure, but i know i put too much stock in what other people think of me and that i allow not getting the desired response from people to bring me down. but i still don’t know how to get what i want without being completely selfish and give to others without feeling manipulated or resentful. man, i have issues.

i think this is one of those goals that is more of an outcropping of my other goals. i bet if i chill out, lose 15 lbs, exercise & floss regularly, etc., i’ll be more confident. nevertheless, i felt it deserved its own spot on the list.