understand my emotions

I found that I am now able to tease apart the various emotions I go through when I suffer a loss. There’s anger, disappointment, self blame and guilty, and sadness. Once I am able to label them and qualify them I can objectively look at each and rationalise them, accepting them or rejecting them in the process..

I despise cheapskates. Especially cheapskate men, considering that they on average earn 10% more than women for the same role.

In particular I hate the type of guys that will fork out hundreds for their mates for drinks and joints but will turn around and argue every cent with their women, whether its their sisters or girlfriends or just female friends. It’s completely unattractive and just unpleasant to witness. I hate being party to this ego-induced irrationality with a passion

I don’t want anything to do with people like that – I’d sooner sever any working relationship with these type of people,men or women, than to have to go through this crap

I am pretty fed up with my work. There is a lack of effectual management. There is a lack of professional ethics and there is also a lack of technical compentencies. I can cope with 2 of the 3 deficiencies at once, but all 3? I just feel like telling everyone to fuck themselves on a daily basis (except weekends, when I can’t give a shit)

If I can be bothered wishing change upon this shithole I would hope some axe wielder come in quick and chop out all the deadwood, and by god if I were deemed part of the problem (for whatever reason) then so be it – it would be, as far as I am concerned, a WIN-WIN situation

Emotional Literacy Education

I think I have a tiny crush on Shaun Micallef

I think my work has gotten under my skin, more so than ever. It’s consumed 90% of my energy and that is making me irritable, paranoid and depressed. I’ve got to think this over, work out why this job sucks so bad (maybe its my perspective of it all) and make a decision.

I had the most fun tonight. I happened to be in full business attire with fancy accessories so I decided to get even with the up market jewellers in QVB for the dirty looks they gave me when I used to walk in with my torn jeans.

This was done by browing through their merchandise until they solicit me, then acting uninterested whilst asking off handedly for the high end stuff they carry. When several of the pieces were produced I proceeded to comment on how each had its pros and cons and that it would be PERFECT if they had something that has some characteristics from all the pieces they showed me. This is where they got busy and started running around thinking I am a serious buyer.

Me: Ohh well this is nice but I don’t know it’s not exactly me
Jeweller: well it’s 40% off.. and now it’s only 10,000 dollars.
Me: Oh yeah? That’s reasonable!

Taking the piss is fun, although I think I am apathetic with my life..
Maybe I am just bored with all the shallow connection I make with people. I make people laugh, but nobody makes me laugh. That’s probably why I miss ADB so much..

I’ve been missing ADB. Terribly. It’s been almost 2 years and I really hadn’t given ADB much thought until about a month ago. I miss ADB’s wit, intelligence, life experiences, voice, stories, laughter, body language. Every bloody thing.

The only thing that potentially pushed me into this state I could think of would be my recent circumstances – having to deal with a lot of frustrating and apparently lazy(or incompetent) people at a professional capacity.

I suppose it’s all relative..

arises out of expections of others.. Sometimes these expections are realistic, sometimes not. I am learning to accept dissappointment and move on instead of chewing on them and wondering what went wrong. It’s not easy though, since I am such a softie.. but I am determined to train my mind not to wallow in disappointment..

This is the 3rd consecutive night where I dreamt I was hoildaying. Most of the fragmented imagery were from hotels and B&Bs. I am not sure what this means – it probably has a lot more to do with escaping all my current issues than travelling itself.