But serious cliff diving, not the wimpy 5 ft. jump off of a rock. It’s the most liberating, most satisfying, most insane feeling in the entire world. Maybe this should alarm me, this unnatural adrenaline fix of mine, but I have been wanting to experience it ever since I took the first leap in Hawaii. And I want to go higher.
The funny thing is, my Dad plays the guitar. Really well. Really, really well. He even gave lessons to people for a while. So it would be completely natural for me to be able to pursue this goal, right? Not a chance. I have only attempted to learn it once, and that did not go too well. I tried to learn “Hey There Delilah” but only got through the first few chords. My Dad can teach me, but I am apprehensive and easily frustrated. I really need to sit down and just DO it someday! I think this is the most likely of my goals to come to pass (so far).
Okay. Me and 8648925678930000 other people want this. The odds of me landing a leading role in a film are not good. Especially since I do not have an agent, professional acting experience or coaching. I DO have an intrinsic passion for acting; a love of morphing into someone else for a certain period of time. I do read books aloud and pretend to be the characters. I do dance pre-professionally and therefore am an actress in my own right (ballet dancers are artists who portray characters and tell a story – without words, using only their bodies). I have been in a few school plays where people insist that I pursue theater and/or acting (not that I base my opinion of my capabilities on these people). I get so caught up in movies, novels, and songs that sometimes I forget myself and laugh-cry-seethe, when they do. I can relate to so many types of people. I would love to embody one of my favorite characters in literature (like Aravis from The Horse and His Boy, Kezi from Ever, Mara from Mara Daughter of the Nile, Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables, Jenica from Wildwood Dancing, Hadassah from A Voice in the Wind, or Margaret from The Diary of Margaret Ann Brady). I would love to share my interpretation of them with the entire world. I would love to eat, breathe, sleep, live them for a while. I think that perhaps, in another life, I could have been an actress. It’s still not too late. I have time to drop my current path and pick up that dream. But I am too scared. Maybe I will someday, if I can find a way.
So I’ve always envied people with funny, spunky, nicknames that let everyone refer to them affectionately. I’ve always wanted one. One that makes me feel special. And appreciated. And a part of that person’s warmness.
Alexander Supertramp was an extremely brave, extremely determined, extremely foolish man. Money, friends, success, family, possessions; they can’t buy happiness. They can’t bring peace. They can’t convince you of your own value and purpose. Seeking yourself in the depth of forsaken wilderness is one of the only ways to truly understand yourself, to really hear yourself. While I may want to follow his principle, I will not follow his extremity of action. I will not burn money, cut off my family, or go to Alaska. But I will leave society and live alone in nature for a little while. I think that that will change my views and priorities and entire being. But I will return. I will be smart about it. I will let everyone know (more or less, though not entirely, lest they come interrupt me,) where I’m going to be. And I think that he slowly came to understand something that the whole world just can’t seem to grasp: Happiness is only real when shared.
“Oh, to be in England, now that April’s here!”
Actually, it’s not April. But I do want to live in England eventually, because it is just teeming with culture and history and architecture and elite ballet companies. I don’t know if I want to be there forever, but I do intend to spend more than a year in the UK.
I have a thing for words. And writing them down. And telling a story the way I see it. And then sharing it with someone else. Someday, I will collect everything brewing inside my mind, and present it to the world. And for once, people will understand me, or try to, at least. They will get a taste of my bliss: imagination, and how a whole world can be created within the safe and infinite concaves of my head. Someday. But not now.
