mindfully and gently examine some of my habits

There is one bad habit I seem to no longer have. I’m pretty sure it can leap out at any time, but for the moment I don’t have to fight it. Acknowledging that it is an empty activity with no positive outcome seems to have played a major role in the change.

I notice that I when I deny myself bad habits, then I seek permission from others. In particular, I seek my mother’s approval, and her implicit approval is enough. The problem is that I know she will probably not deny me anything.

I will learn to make my own choices.

Getting to work on time is one of my goals, but what prevents me is a particular habit that keeps me in bed. What’s very interesting is the self-bargaining that I enter into when I know that it’s wrong. Just that bargaining is probably the surest symptom that I’m on the wrong track.

“A decision is a choice followed by action.” I’ve made the choice, now I need to figure out what the action should be. I know it is not just promising myself that tomorrow will be different.

Why are we so stuck in habits? I have daily planning routine, which generate some paper. This paper needs to get filed, and this was an additional chore. Only today did I realize that the ideal time for filing the yesterday’s paper is during today’s planning session.

If I do this it will also help to make the planning less episodic and tie in better with the past.

Even good habits can be limiting. On my campus we have a weekly lunch-hour concert. I usually don’t go, because I go to the gym during the lunch hour. Or that was the reason at the beginning.

Over time I have started to go to the gym whenever I like, because nobody cares at what time I take my lunch. Today there was an organ festival that I would have liked to attend. With little thinking I went to the gym earlier, so that I would be back in time for the concert. Although this sounds simple, it took a lot of energy, and I had to ask someone else for ‘permission’.

Even if habits are good, they need not be stuck to mindlessly.

I notice one of my good habits seems to be linked to a specific environment, or at least seems to be more easily triggered by it. This is not a bad thing, but it does mean that I could pay more attention to moving triggers for good habits internally, or cultivate triggers for good habits in different environments.

I wonder what makes one catastrophize. Today I wondered if I had my house keys with me, and what I would do if I did not. I would have to ring the bell, if the back door weren’t open. But I did not put my hand in my pocket to see if had the keys with me or not. Duh. In the event, I had the keys with me, and nothing happened. The whole thinking about it was wasted effort and wasted time that I could have used to be part of the world.

I have started eating in the lab. This is a very bad idea. Not only is it against all good laboratory practice, it also robs me of having a break - I eat while I’m working. It means I’m concentrating on neither the work nor my food.

People have commented that I’m hard on myself. Is it true? If it is, what do I do about it?

If by acting on my intentions I strengthen my will, then perhaps by not acting on my fancies I will weaken my fantasies.