pray more

It’s time for me to go beyond the prayer before our meals and think about a time for more personal reflection, to be grateful and positive with my life and become more purposeful in my direction in life.

Lord I know that I am not living my life in a way that is satisfying to you. I am so sorry. I keep saying that I am going to try, I keep saying that I am giving it all to you, I keep saying that you are in control and that I want you to take the reins. Then I get in the way. I make excuses and go back to MY ways. I just need to get in the passengers seat and give you the keys. Sometimes it is just so hard and I just want to jump in and gossip about so and so with the person sitting next to me. The people that I work with, the people in my family, the people that I go to school with, they make it hard and the situations that have come up in my life recently STOP ITThere I go making excuses again. That is how it normally works. But NO MORE EXCUSES!! This is not anyones fault but my own. Other people have obstacles, a lot of them more difficult then my own, and they overcome them everyday and continue to praise God and to make Him proud. I just need to be stronger and wiser in my decisions. I need self discipline. I give it to you Lord. I pray for the strength that I need to make it through another day and to help the people that I love be closer to you. I pray for the self discipline that I need to obey and to return from the distant path that I am on and I pray that I can glorify you in every way possible EVERYDAY!!! Amen

I just heard that one of my really good friend is in the hospital. She had a fever and then passed out. Since then she was unconscious for a month but her mom didn’t know who she should tell. Me and some friends were so worried that we haven’t heard back from her for such a long time. Now she is okay except that she has lost some of her memory. She doesn’t remember much about what happened in the past year or so. According to her mom, she can come home like in a month if the result comes out good. Well, memories, we can build again but our lives? no. I am so glad that she is still alive because I just know that she will have a bright future ahead of her. I can’t wait to see her smile and laugh like crazy together again. I also can’t wait to build new memories with her by experiencing so many things together. I love her so much. She is such a sweet girl with a big beautiful smile on her face. I hope she will get well soon.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I know you’re here. Thank you for reminding me that you were always beside me- and always will be. I’m so grateful. I’m sorry for pushing you away and distancing myself. I’m sorry for all the excuses and lies. Please, give me strength, I need you to guide me your way instead of mine…

Is this because I’ve been praying everyday? My 1 year old nephew was sick and had to stay in the hospital but today he could go back home with his happy little smile. My grandma was and still is sick too but she is getting better each day everyday. My grandpa has an Alzheimer disease and he’s been in the hospital for over a year but he looked into my face and said hi when I visit him the other day. My cousin’s wife almost had a miscarrige but now seems like the baby is fine in her tummy. My brother and his wife had a car crush and their car is completely crused but they have no injury at all.
Wow.
I realized something. God is listening to me when I pray for someone who I love and care. God doesn’t usually listen to me when I pray for myself. I think I was being too greedy. Now I am glad and thankful.

Lord, show me Your Word.
Help me to understand each and every chapter, book and verse.
Give me Your eyes, Lord, so that I may be able to see everything that I keep missing, give me a love for humanity.
Father, help me to keep my eyes on you.
Help me to bridle my tongue.
Help me to stay true to Your Word.
You are my Jesus, My King, My life, and my all.
Lord, help me to live out Your will for my life, every second of every minute of everyday.
Lord, help me to accept change.
Thank you, Lord, for all that you have done, are doing, and will do.
In your name,
Amen

You listen to me like a father listens to their kid, right? I can tell you anything, and you just want to listen and help where you feel you can, right?

Well, I’m unhappy. And I start to think I know why and I say it, and then I’m in another area. So, I start to pick that apart and that leads somewhere else.

I’m frustrated. In my job, in my marriage, in my life. I don’t know what the heck I’m doing, I don’t think I ever did, and I’m supposed to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Just trusting. Just believing that it’s all going to work out. Well, fine. It usually does, but.

But. Why do I end every sentence with a but?

Why aren’t I more happy? I love my husband, I even love my job, and for the most part I love my life. Then what is all this dissatisfaction?

I want to be employed more. I want my boss to be less insecure. I want to be paid what’s reasonable. I want to work my 20 hours and feel like I accomplished something every week. I really want to work full-time. I want to be going somewhere in my life.

I want to have fun with the love of my life. I’m sick of waiting for him to be excited about something I suggest. I’m tired of him being so cynical and weary of everything. He wants to have fun, too. I know it. He admits it. Why do I feel I need his agreement on everything, and why is he so skeptical?

Dad. He told me in September he’d call the counselor. He told me two weeks ago he’d call the next the day. And he never does. Why doesn’t he care? Why doesn’t he want a relationship with me as badly as I want it with him? Why did he marry her? Why can’t he see it? Why do I have to see it? Why did you have to take Mom when you did?

Why do I feel so unsure about myself all the time?

God, I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling it, and yet I’m grateful, because it makes me dig deeper. I see that I want things a little different, and I’m asking You to help me.

Please help me sort through these messes. Please help me discover the good things that help me ‘tick’ (in a good way). Please help me look outside, beyond me, and see the big picture.

Thanks, God, for this time. Thank You for readjusting the lens.

Amen.

Often I forget who’s in charge. I get caught up in the world and forget that there’s no such thing as an accident. But thank you, for reminding me that I am not an accident.

I’m praying for the strength to trust You…

Pray more everyday

need to talk to God more