Let go of the past

Love what is ahead by loving what has come before.

Don’t think about the past, only the present, then the future. Maybe that’s all it will take, we’ll see. :)

Its a vicous circle in which my ex-wife, dead brother and most disappointing father star in a play about my life and never leave the stage.

You never realize what a mess your life is until 5 years have gone by and all you did in that time is think about the previous 10 years.

i have come so far with this.

i hate that my whole past issues have to focus around a man, but everything else stems from him and our relationship that its hard.

i often think that it is just easier to forget my past and literally cut him out of my life, but i don’t know if I could actually go through the rest of life without talking to him again. tis weird

i found out a few weeks ago that he was having a child with someone else. that was really weird how i felt. although i don’t wana be with him, it really upset me that he was havin a kid with her. i had never thought that we would be having kids with other ppl. as strange as that seems, that particular part of things hadnt crossed my mind.

now i have got used to the idea its ok, and if that is wot he wants then im happy for him. just weird how things are now.

i’m back to wanting to cut him out my life

After many weeks of work and planning, I have finally come to terms with my past and have let it go (literally).

For the past few weeks, I have evaluated my past and have decided that I need to forgive myself and others for the negative events that have happened in my life. This forgiveness occured in a very symbolic manner.

First, on small strips of paper I wrote down who I am forgiving and for what – pink for others, blue for myself!

Next, I decided how I would dispell these negative events and where the ideal location would be – burning the papers and letting the ashes float away on the lake in a paper bag.

Finally, I had to schedule a date when this would take place -October 16, 2008.

The event itself was so ritualistic and calming that I found myself almost feel a sense of weight lift from my body. One of the best things I have ever done for myself

This goes hand in hand with forgiving those who have wronged me. I would like to forgive those who wronged me and let it go. I would also like to forgive myself for all of the mistakes I have made in my life. I will forgive myself for those things, and I will not allow myself to feel any more shame for them.

I guess I’ll find out when I get there:)

It seems I am cursed with an excellent memory for past injustices and embellish good memories with a glowing light that was not, in fact, ever there when the events actually occurred. Either way, these trips down memory lane do not contribute to my happiness and well-being—either I’m reopening old wounds or painting the past in an artificial light that makes the present seem dimmer by comparison. I am working on focusing on the present, noticing what it is I have right now to be grateful for (and there really is a lot), and trying to revisit the past only in the service of forgiving or making amends.

I think I had a lot of resentment in the past, for my parents, my extended family, my friends and maybe even myself. I no longer feel resentment.

My parents did the best that they could in difficult situations. My extended family were insensitive but they just were being themselves and they didn’t realise I was sensitive. My friends were just caught up in their own lives and I shouldn’t have been demanding towards them, I had to learn how to rely on myself.

In hindsight, I had low self-esteem and I was seeking approval from all these people in my life and then I got upset when I was not getting it. Even if they had given me approval and praise, it would not have been enough – because you need to accept yourself first and foremost. I have accepted myself to a large extent now and am working to improve those areas that I don’t like.

I feel like I don’t have a problem with the past anymore – it has made me who I am and I’m okay with who I am, so I’m okay with the past and there you have it folks, I think I am done here.

week. I keep seeing how emotionally tied I am to people and situations from my past….

This one is gonna take a while!