reintroduce myself to the passion I had for life when I was 10

I planted some new seeds, today, which meant I got to play in dirt for half an hour. I even got some soil on my shirt, but I’m not gonna freak out about it and throw it directly into the wash. I’m just going to brush it off and go on with the rest of my day.

I’m saving the freaking-out for something that’s actually a big deal . . . and this really feels like what it means to be ten again.

I never would have thought of it then, but being ten came with an indesctrutable character . . . And, even if it was only an illusion, it was still in some way tangible. I’d like to have it back. Now that the meds are starting to stablize and the side effects are minimizing themselves, I’m starting to feel like I’m getting some of my soul back. My motivation for succeeding and getting on with my life is slowly re-awakening and I’m ready for whatever comes next.

There’s an unabashed fearlessness that comes from being ten, that time when there are fewer consequences and more possibilities. It makes me wonder how many of the blockades I face are true hurdles.