Beat my depression

I have certainly finally accepted that it’s part of me, that it’s a medical condition that I need to be vigilant about. But I don’t take care of myself like I should. Sometimes it’s like I’m under a blanket and can’t see my way out from under it, then I start to lose hope.

But I know what I need to do (counseling, exercise, supplements) and I’ve got to take that first step.

It feels a little odd to admit that I’ve been dealing with this illness for years and years when I’m still pretty young. :/ I’m realizing that I don’t honestly remember what it’s like to live “normally”.

I think what really keeps me moving is that I’ve managed to get this far with very minimal support. I was stubborn enough to build my OWN ladder out of this muck when my mother refused to acknowledge it. I turned MYSELF away from an eating disorder of three years, and though I still live with some of the old compulsive habits, I’m healthy enough to keep living. I decided that I wanted to feel alive again, even though it was the hardest thing I’d ever done.

I’m going to do the same thing with my depression, no matter how long it takes. There’s no looking back now.

my boyfriend told me, “You need to talk to someone, seriously.” I’m considering trying counseling again. We’ll see. Lots of low days lately. Lots may be an understatement. Most of the days are low.

It’s been about three weeks since I had my last share of down days. That’s never happened before, the most I have gone without them was fifteen days.
It’s weird really, I haven’t done anything major to justify this. I stopped taking the meds, started going to therapy and doing acupuncture. I also began going out more with my friends. I actually made a handful of friends already. I’m surprisingly more confident and sociable.

The thoughts of emptiness and the urge to hurt myself have vanished in thin air. I don’t decry myself as much anymore. I don’t blame myself for everything anymore. And most importantly, I don’t waste my time wondering people will understand and accept the true me or not, I just let them decide. I know my friends do, all of them.

Still, I’m not sure if I should call this done just yet, I think I’ll wait for a while.

Well, that’s it. i can no longer get therapy at the veteran’s hospital. thanks to the budget cuts to pay for the “war”, people who have been in therapy for a certain # of years will no longer be able to receive it, except in the cases of emergency.treat em and street em.
i’ve looked around, as suggested for group support, but there are none. mental health is not a high budget priority here.
i still get meds, but that’s it.
all i can say is that the rest of the mental health system is going to be crushed under the influx of people now.
no one seems to know what to do.
to make matters worse,problems with the family are making me seriously think of completely severing ties with them. they are all a sick lot, and i seem to be the only one that really recognizes it.
i have a sister playing mind games with me concerning my nephew,but this is no suprise, as this is typical behavior for her. whats worst is that i fell for it this time. no more no more.

.. about my cousin who jumped down the bridge 2 months ago. I can’t stop thinking maybe he was right..

I find myself more and more hopeless and I wish more and more all this would end..

That’s today’s excellent advice from my therapist. I told her about my recent love affair with alcohol and my intense suicidal thoughts. In the end she says, “it’s your life… you make your own choices.” She’s right; however, I come to her for help because I am so depressed and in need of some artificial understanding… and hearing “it’s your life” isn’t exactly helpful.

She has good intentions- but I don’t know how any therapist can help me anymore. Not saying I want to give up… just saying whatever it is that’s wrong with me still hasn’t been fixed. It’s discouraging. I don’t want to be alive- I’m here for my loved ones only and that is the truth. I’m always so depressed- life does not seem worth living, even when I try to tell myself it is.

This was my major cause. I was about to slowly go down into a coma possible and I figured it out after 7 Dr’s could’nt .Because I was a young man and its an older womans disease in general. I quit smoking and the symtoms hit me full force. Nicotine masks some of the symptoms . Having kids seemed to help me too. I was able to think about him and put my energy toward dealing with him and I think this helped some prior to finding out what was causing it. Just know that you can and will get better .Good Luck and God speed to all

I have been getting much worse recently, I have been thinking of various suicide methods open to me, unfortunately there are no methods I have at hand that are not exceedingly painful, and I would not want my death to drag on.
So I must go on for now.