stand up for myself

it’s my problem…

i m the big problem…

not a single thing i do for myself…
can’t stand for myself..
can’t claim anything for myself…

i can’t say i m like this.. i m this… i cant say i want this… i don’t want to do it… i m lazy to do things for myself…

what is this ? do i hate myself…

no.. i don’t think so…

but i m not happy with myself…

why i need anyone’s approval for i m worthwhile… i m not worthless becauz of what they say…

i have courage to do the right things...

i make changes…

but why this happens every time.. everybody except me take advantage of those things…

no one supports me when i make those things happen… they will name me a lot..
will say yack on whatever i m thinking.. but when it come true,,, everyone will used it properly n fully… n again i will be leave alone..

the biggest example is this home..
n each n everything in this home.. but i can’t use anything… i don’t have space at all… i can’t claim these things.. cause they are not mine.. but all those things are there because of me.. n people who were naming me for that are using it all…

21 nov 08

i think ever since i was a little kid i was the biggest cry baby ever. my siblings would pick on me and neighborhood kids would pick on me and i would never say anything. it began to really get to me and i noticed how quiet and scared i got when i got older and wanted to make friends.

I used to be the girl that everyone admired because I always knew how to set my fences and not let others cross my boundaries. Since I met my husband, however, that has not been the case. He’s constantly asked me to compromise my boundaries and for some stupid reason I agreed. Most of the people I had to compromise for were his employees and family who, for crazy reasons, decided to hate me without ever getting to know me. My DH would constantly ask me not to say anything to them when they were out of line or would talk about me mean, etc. I guess I got so used to being treaded on that I’m scared of confrontation now. It’s so not like me, I want to be that girl that speaks her mind again, appropriately, and can stand up for myself….how do I find that part of myself again???

I choose my battles carefully, but I think I’m getting better with this goal. This summer, I stopped letting my superiors at work walk all over me. I had the nerve to tell a friend “screw you” when he was being an asshole….

I think I may be growing a backbone… or perhaps I am simply discovering that I had one to begin with.

You skinny Albino bitch.
Just because i wanted a slice of cake.
Just because you didn’t have one.
Just because if you had one bit you’d become fat.
You think that its alright to insult me and call me fat?
Well you know what
My family is skinny and yours is fat
You weigh more than i do
You actually had no reason to call me fat.
You think you’re just as pale as Ambie
But you’re one step from albino
Just cuz im prettier than you
Just because people ask me out and i’ve had boyfriends
And no one has even liked you like that
And i get asked out often.
You have reasons to be jealous.
But back the fuck off.
You’re a Whore.

=) bbfl?

Phew. Now to say a slightly altered version to her face?
Sounds good xxxx

I am begining to find defending myself is quite provocative. I don’t like being stepped on at all so I will fight back as hard as I will to fight for my pride and dignity although thats really irrelevent… I think in the end I feel guilty for standing up for myself. How do you guys do it without comming across aggressive or mean or bitchy?

i always say yes to people…
if they really wanted a pair of shoes which both of us love i let them have it
but they never give that kindness back.
i always let people chose what to do and sit in the background just listening.
it’s time for a change!
i am going to speak up for myself and the next time i see a gorgoue pair of shoes they are not getting away this time!

I tend to have problems with this…
Low self esteem affects my life once again…
If someone is saying something about me or something…
I usually just kind of sit there…and grind my teeth…letting people just kind of walk all over me….
I want to be able to stand up for myself…
And do something about things like that.

because these assholes only care about themselves

People don’t really take advantage of me, but the odd time they do. I don’t really stand up for myself. And it’s not because I’m scared – I just dont know why. :S But I’ve got to change this.