consciously create my day

January 1st just seems like a great clean-up day . . .

So that’s what this day is all about.

My husband left for Afghanistan early this morning, and there’s some post-Christmas putting-away-of-stuff left to do, mostly stuff he’d put away if he wasn’t busy this year getting ready to leave.

So, first: Away with all things Christmas.

Second: Clean up the things I usually would have cleaned another time over the last week but didn’t because I didn’t want to waste the week before he left cleaning house.

Third: Catch up on the newspapers I didn’t read for the same reason as listed under “second” except replace “cleaning house” with “reading newspapers”

Fourth: Straighten up my office/work space. I’ll be using it a lot more over the next few months; it’s a bit cluttery in its current state.

Let’s start with that.

I think I am having a sort of midlife crisis. Goals that were important a few years ago are no longer so important. I think perhaps that I have become cynical and jaded, particularly in watching so many people (undeserving) get ahead and then seeing how it never really makes them happy anyway.

I have too much energy for my current state of affairs, however, and I would like to use it and my talents for a cause that I can believe in. I’ve given myself until the end of this year (not long now) to answer two very important questions.

1. What will add to my security?

2. What will add to the quality of my life?

For me, those two questions are what it is all about. The drive for security has driven a lot of my actions, although I cannot seem to stop taking risks either, however, the process tortures me.

The quality of life is important. I have seen firsthand that money doesn’t make one happy at all….nor does it add to the quality of your life unless you think very carefully about the choices made.

As i sit here today i’m feeling abit at sea about my direction in life. I know where i want to go but i’m not taking the concious regular actions and decisions which will lead to my goals. The reasons for this is due to the extreme pressure i have of running a house at great expense. The cost of living here is £2200 per month, which is must above what my current earnings are. However with a plan and some direct action i’m sure i’ll be able to turn things around from struggling to prospering. This though requires a plan.

So Today being saturday, my mum’s birthday i’m making sure that i call my mum today to say happy birthday. She brought me into this world and i’m grateful for that and that she has been there for me when i ask her to be. I’m also going to sort out the rabbits so that i relocate the male bunnies outdoors as they are starting to get territorial and smelly and i don’t want them in the house.

The aim today is also to get the cats sorted out, trays cleaned out and refreshed and clean the kitchen so that it’s sparkling. I also want to get the bathroom and my indoor rabbit cleaned out. Finally i’d like to enjoy some relaxation time playing online games and watching eastenders. If i get chance i’d like to look at my corporation tax returns and see if i can get any filed. I’d also like to come up with a cashflow plan and review the next steps on the business. Each day i’d like to keep a note of if i’ve achived my desires for the previous day so that i can see the steps i’m taking completed and that i’m moving in the right direction towards my destiny.

I don’t have bad days—I have bad moments. On any given day, at any given moment, I can start thinking and mourning the loss of Rocky. It’s not one day at a time; it’s one moment.

but my personality truly has to have goals that are attainable and broken down into daily actions for me to be happy. I am a results oriented person.

That’s ok to admit. I wanted to be a free spirit that is totally spontaneous but for me that is a depressing frightening way to live. :)

I tried this today; however, think I am in the anger stages of grief so it was a sort of angry day. I was so angry today, not just about losing Rocky but just about everything. I was in no mood to take any crap from anyone. Trust me, this can be a good thing in some of my present environments.

In an earlier msg, I wrote about the lesson and gift of Rocky, part of that gift was love. Love is love whether it comes from a human or an animal. But few humans can love so completely as an animal, particularly a dog—this dog, in particular. I’ll not accept anything less in the future.

At times like these I have to take it a day at a time. Feeling sad and sorry for myself does no one any good, least of all myself. Rocky wouldn’t want me to be this way. Moving on does not mean I love him any less. I did more for him than any other dog in my life because he needed me to. H is grieving too. I do not want to make things harder for him.

Funny thing is I’m looking better than I have in a long time…stress helps me lose weight. ;)

But in the meantime I am trying to discover why I can’t catch a financial break. My Plan B isn’t working so I guess it’s off to another Plan…

What should I do???

-Solve E’s issues with his ITR.
-Fill and send the port opening request forms.
-Check today extractions
-Prepare monday’s task list
-Prepare list of pending errands
-Fix Avatar issue with R.
-Reflect on the whole week acomplishments.
-Take mom to see Mama Mia.
-Go out for a drink with Peter.
-Return early.

my morale indicator to be higher than I actually felt and today I am really at an 8. How cool is that?

We can consciously create our days.