face my fears

it’s the little things that make all the difference. picking a direction and moving that way is the hardest part…until you have to acctually MOVE that direction. i resolve to not let the negative self talk distract me and deter me from taking that first step every day to accomplish my goals. i may make myself believe that negative stuff at times, but that will not stop me from acting anyway.

has been talking to older people. I guess I kinda grew up feeling like I had nothing interesting to say.

when I was a kid and grown ups were in the room, they’d be the ones having conversations and us children were not to intervere. whenever we tried to understand what the conversation was about, they’d hush us and go like “we’re having a conversation here, go play”

as a result I always just spoke to people my own age. when I came on this site, aged 16, I was amazed that “adults” would actually comment on my entries and talk to me as if age didn’t matter.

now that I’m supposed to be an adult myself (but don’t see myself as OLD), I started wondering when people are adult/grown ups/older.

you know, I think I should just stop obsessing about age differences when having conversations, but just to get over this, I want to have conversations with older people in real life as well.

I actually spoke to 3 women on the train yesterday, I think they were in their 50’s. yay me! :)

I’m on my way but it’s permanent work.

Okay, I think that I did pretty good on the whole 43 thing. Heres my fear my childhood friend is having a surprise birthday party , and people that I don’t know and people that I don’t ever want to see because seeing them just bring back bad memories.Its just make me want to just throw up . I don’t want to bail out on Lina surprise birthday party , because then I just look like I’m in the wrong. It just that I work so hard not to remember all the bad things that happen in my life. And seeing that one person I feel that everything that i done from then to now is just a facade. I don’t even know if I use that in a good sentence, doesn’t matter.It just I think that things happen in people lives for a reason. Good or Bad,It makes you into who you are, I can’t run away from my past. If I did then everything that i did to try and make my life better was a waste of my time. H

Dating scares me. I don’t do it well. But, since guys are asking me out, I intend to attract a guy that I’d actually want to say yes to. I intend to have fun, learn something about myself and what I like, and reduce my fear of dating at least a little bit.

Then write courses of action I would take if I found myself in those situations.

I started browsing through a book I bought a while back called Weekly Writes. I wanted to get ideas for Toastmasters’ speeches. The author included the first two sentences in this entry as a writing prompt during week 14. I like the idea of identifying a fear and then identifying a way to deal with or work through the fear. This strategy could make the fear less scary or more manageable.

Inside my head I always fears a lot of things. I always said to myself that it is only the fears itself, it isn’t the reality. I really want to learn hoe to face my fears

Today I’m feeling melancholy. I gave up on five goals, all or most having to do with love and relationships. Maybe they aren’t the type of goals one can achieve by trying to achieve them.

Passengers often make me nervous.

I got my driver’s license 16 years ago and began driving regularly 12 years ago. Most of the time I drive in the car alone. I’m not a particularly good driver. 99% of the time I get to where I need to go and back home without incident. But, when there are people in the car who I think will judge my driving harshly, I get super nervous and make driving mistakes. Or I get overly cautious. I’ve never had an accident with a stranger in the car. But, some of the passengers who made me nervous did criticize my driving and ask why I was driving “that way.”

My biggest fear is of sharing my true opinions. I tend to judge my opinions as wrong. Or I think sharing them will result in negative feedback. Sometimes I’m scared to acknowledge my opinions even to myself. So where do I start working on this?

One not so personal way is by serving as a speech evaluator at Toastmasters meetings.