forget him

and it feels gooooooooood :)

:)

It took me a few months to like him, and a few more months to realize it. But he’s just too calculating, hot and cold.

He hasn’t contacted me in weeks, and I’ve wished for a long time now that I never knew him. Someone you like shouldn’t make you sad.

I’ve been battling with myself on what to do; meanwhile I probably think of him at least once a day. I want an eraser to wipe him out of my memories…

I’m still a rock star,
I got my rock moves,
And I don’t need you
And guess what
I’m having more fun
And now that we’re done
I’m gonna show you tonight
I’m alright, I’m just fine
And you’re a tool
So so what?
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And i don’t want you tonight

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=dJZDsJ8UU64

I still hope that I will open the door and you will be there. You never loved me. Why did I ever let you back in? It’s time to finally bury you.

I think about him everyday…its been over 2 months and I just can’t let go..when will this get better? Btw I sent him a second letter yesterday….why can’t I let go?

but I’m back at square one. I want him back.

On the plus side I had a lovely dream that I was dating Price Harry last night :)

Damn that Chelsy Davy!!

Why do you have to do this? Why do you have to confuse my heart? I once believed that you were the one but I’m over it. At least I thought that I’m over you. Until that single moment you once again awakened my sleeping emotion. I know that you have nothing special for me. But, why do I keep holding on to the idea that you could be mine? I guess I’m totally crazy. I once played the fool but here I am now trying to do the same mistake over again. But, it’s okay. My heart can still survive the agony that you are causing it. I’ll let you use me as long as you like. I’ll pretend that I’m not hurting to keep you satisfied. I am so tired of considering you even in the littlest thing that I do. I said that I have to move on by means of forgetting you but I can’t. I just can’t. I hope when this is all over, you will find happiness. Just the thought of it makes me feel happy too. I hope you’ll find happiness even if I know that it is not with me. I hope you will be contented thinking that you have already fulfilled your egoistic desires.

For the longest time, I have hoped for the love of someone I couldn’t have. I’d like to think that it is because of the situation that we are in but later I realized that I was just making a fool out of myself. It is not the situation but him who’s hindering the love to grow. From the start, he has nothing special for me. It is me who keeps on assuming things that were supposedly just an act of kindness. But it’s too late because I already have fallen. Trapped into a dream that somehow, someday he’ll realize how special he is to me. I kept on praying that he would feel the same way too. But I know that not all dreams come true and not all prayers are answered. So I will just have to face the consequences of creating a fantasy. I would have to bear the pain of loving someone who can never love me in return.

This is the 8th week of no contact since the official breakup with my ex, and it doesnt get easier. Before that I went through an agonizing 4 weeks of not knowing where I stood with him. Trouble is, despite all the pain he has put me through, I still have feelings for him and so want him back in my life – although I know that is not going to happen. I’m not functioning at work, and I feel I am merely existing. I’ve never been this hurt before, I feel so lost. You’d think that at 31 you’d be less likely to invite drama in your life. One thing I know for sure is that I didnt deserve it, and he isn’t the same guy I fell in love with.