grieve the daily losses but embrace the change

If you expect to get something good out of anything and keep it than you do not lose anything on a daily basis.

I’ve been doing this for quite a while. Still grieving, still embracing the changes, still alive.

For the first time this year, I’m enjoying the changes. Good!

I realized that, after I move house, nothing will be same anymore. Everything else had already changed in my life, the only thing left was the house. I’m moving on Tuesday, and I’m glad and super scared. When I look back, I can’t see anything that stayed in place. There were so many losses, so many changes, and I feel so lost myself because I’m not the person I used to be but I don’t know who I am yet. I’m still building myself, I have to, there’s no other choice. It’s sad and in a way it’s beautiful. I am really grieving the losses (and they have been tough and daily) and really embracing the changes. I don’t know where I find the courage to keep going, but it’s here.

The “grieving the daily losses” part is easier than the “embrace the change” one, but I can do it. I’m working on that.

Isn’t it odd that the best way (or maybe the only way) to get of the emotional pain is embracing it? Sometimes it feels like I’m immersed in my pain, and it hurts and at the same time it gives another chance to learn to deal with it. And I am learning. I’m a slow learner though.

Trying to see something positive that comes with all the bad stuff. I’m tired of focusing on the losses.

Letting go daily of things that are not in my control. My hands are wide open and not holding on tight to anything.