Ever since I was eleven, I’ve battled with depression. It’s hard to write that because I’ve always been in denial about it. I’ve been able to tell some close friends about it, and they’ve helped me through a lot. But I’ve been too ashamed to admit it to my parents, because I’m worried they will think I’m ungrateful or they won’t believe me. I’m very good at covering it up even at home. I laugh to muh and spend a lot of time in my room so they won’t see me. At school I try and act like a bubbly ditz so no one will think I’m anything but happy.
I’m fourteen now, and I’ve decided I can’t live in the two extremes of depression and and stupid ditz. I needx to find myself, who I am and live it. Not trying to fit a mold so there are no questions asked. I can get through this, I know I can. I just have to find who I am first.
Entries
cranraspberry is doing many interesting things and very happy.
Self-disciplined – doing what ought to be done even if there is no motivation to do it.
I’ve been trying to be a FRED, the kind of person who gives that littlebit extra without expectation of return. It feels good, but I’m still trying to workout if it is the person I want to be.
I’m also learnign yoga… again feels good, but still not sure if it is part of the person I want to be
Work out who the person I want to be is… if I knew that it wouldn’t be so difficult.
cranraspberry is doing many interesting things and very happy.
Be secure with myself.
I do not have to prove myself, to anyone or for any reason. I am who I am. If other people mind, they don’t matter. If they matter, they won’t mind.
That being said, I still want to be extraordinary.
cranraspberry is doing many interesting things and very happy.
Not see other girls as competition, but as potential friends.
Why do I see them as competition? I think its because I’m so insecure. I (delude myself into thinking that I) need someone to love me, and that everyone is better than me, so when that person comes along, they’ll be attracted to everyone EXCEPT me. A ridiculous concept I know, and it’s ruining my social life. I wouldn’t have to feel so lonely if I just made some friends with these people I see as competition. But lets address another root problem here (see #2)
cranraspberry is doing many interesting things and very happy.
of the person I want to be.
Elimination of one bad characteristic and replacement with a good one, or just instillation of a good characteristic.
To eliminate a bad thought habit, I must understand it.
In order to understand, I must examine why I feel this way, and expose the logical fallacies of my arguments.
Jessy wishes everyone a happy, healthy, productive, and prosperous New Year!
All my life, I have considered the feelings of others, watched what I said, held back, and made peace. It is the way I was brought up.
Enough.
While I have no intention of trampling all over others’ feelings and dripping sarcasm left and right, it is time to just let it out.
Don’t hold back, tell us how you really feel.
Thanks. I will. :)
zeknir is ambitious
okay, so you know what i’ve been thinkin lately? i think that my boyfriend is holding me back. he doesn’t seem too in tune with what i’m tryin to do. i dont know… i’ve been getting in bad moods when i’m with him. he doesn’t understand my obsession with computer arts, and that pisses me off. hes a very derogatory person, and i get in bad moods. and he doesn’t understand that he is the one who does it to me. idk. i feel like if i’ve been with someone for almost 3 years, we shouldn’t have these issues. i feel like i’m wasting my time with him, and that i’m missing out on a good relationship…. one that is going to make me happy and accept me for who i really want to be.
