fall in love again

I never felt so ready before…

Maybe the time has arrived. I just need a person :/

I think this is going to be even harder then getting ready.

ive felt nauseous ever since i saw his expression

but i told him i love him today.
put my hand over his mouth, told him i love him, said i had to go.
his reaction was literally one of shock – instant wide eyes and his head jerked back a little.

honestly –
i feel like shit right now.
we’ll see how the next time we talk goes..

I’m gonna put this on hold for now for a couple reasons.

1- I need to realize who I am before I can love anyone again. I need to dig down to the person beneath all the make-up… I’ve spent my entire life trying to be attractive in every sense of the word. Trying to impress people all the time. So now that there are no men what-so-ever in my life, I’m just letting go and seeing what emerges as my actual personality.

2- They always say the only way to ever find anything is to stop looking, so I figure this way it’s win win lol

That’s a question that comes back around, again and again. I have no answer, couldn’t even hazard a guess. There are too many other emotions and thoughts mixed up in my head and my heart to even begin to sort it out.

Maybe it’s a willingness to forgive, and to open your eyes and your heart, and work to overcome the hurts and miscommunications that occur. Maybe it’s valuing someone enough to listen to what they are saying, and stop trying to interpret it.

But how do you stay in a good place? Can you keep your mind open, even when you’re hurting? It’s hard, to tear down walls. It’s hard to look at yourself realistically and hear the things you don’t want to hear. You feel worthless and weak, and you want to fight back.

But I’m not worthless, and I’m not weak. And this is important enough to me to keep trying, even if you won’t acknowledge my effort, even when you speak out of anger and hurt. I’ve done the same to you. If I am willing to forgive you, and myself, then it doesn’t matter what you say or what spin I put on it. It is what it is.

If I stay in the moment, stay grounded, then I don’t need to defend myself – I don’t need to see you as attacking me and I don’t need to attack you. I don’t need to rehash the past, it’s done, there’s no changing it now. There is only the clearing up of miscommunication and healing of old hurts.

If I stay open hearted and loving, then I can let everything go. I can look to people I admire, and see how they move through the world, and learn from their example.

I would like to say all these things to you, but more than that I would like to put these things into action, to demonstrate to you the affection and respect I have for you. You make me want to be a better person. Maybe that is love.

I surrender

errr….im in love!!! kinda…if a television show character counts :D dexter…DEXTER…open your eyes people dexter IS love!....me and my partner hit the six month mark…with only one glimpse of a possible sign of “love”...that came from him when i made dinner when he was stoned. how romantic? what am i doing in this relationship? fond feelings for you all xx

I have been emailing a man I met online at greensingles.com, and we are really getting along well. He called me yesterday, and we learned even more about each other. I am meeting him in a couple of weeks – he’s traveling, and I am going to a conference near where he will be. Will we like each other as much in person? Could this be someone I could love?

I nearly gave up on dating all together after going on dates with some guys that were not right for me. But then it just happened. I started taking guitar lessons and things really took off. Not the guitar playing, but with my guitar teacher. We started off as friends and things kept growing. We have been dating for a year now and things are so perfect. Love just comes at you unexpectedly. I am sure this is the man I’m gonna marry. :)

Hopeless. I keep looking for someone who is as close to perfect as I can and not finding her. Is there a way to combine 2 or 3 almost right people into one awesome mixture???